Today’s article is a cross-post for both my Substack, Reasonably Happy, and a guest post on The What For by my friend, Brad Todd who is recovering from some pretty serious surgery this week. I wish him a full and speedy recovery. Perhaps not coincidentally, this is related to mortality.
The other day, I was doing research for an upcoming podcast interview with a 29-year-old author. I wanted to ask him about his generation’s outlook on money but wasn’t sure whether he was considered Gen Z or a Millennial.
So I opened a web browser and started to query, “How old is the oldest person in Gen Z?” But before I finished typing, Google autocompleted my search: “How old is the oldest person IN THE WORLD?”
As with so many internet rabbit holes, this one started with my hungry brain snapping at some juicy bait. I thought, “Heck yeah, I want to know that,” and hit Return. I learned so much.
As you probably could have guessed, the oldest person in the world is named “Ethel.” Ethel Caterham is 116 years old and lives—for now—in Surrey, England. Someday, humanity’s reigning longevity champion might be a “Chad” or a “Britney,” but that’s not going to be any time soon.
Currently, about half a million earthlings have reached the age of 100. While these “centenarians” comprise only .03% of the population, they consume 80% of the world’s soup and Werther’s candies.1 Who knew?
A person over 110 is known as a “Supercentenarian,” a title earned by only 1 in 1,000 centenarians. (Spoiler alert: the rest die.) At any given time, there are estimated to be 300 to 500 Super C’s on Earth, and Ethel is their Queen Bee.
Born August 21, 1909, Ethel was 20 years old when Black Friday kicked off the Great Depression, 34 on D-Day, and a spry 92 on 9/11. Can you imagine being so old that you think back nostalgically, “God, I miss being 92”?
Ethel told People magazine that her hobbies include gardening, puzzles, and visiting with friends. Shockingly, she did not mention jiu-jitsu, MMA, or parkour. There is no record of Ethel taking part in the Tide Pod Challenge.
Ethel is almost twice my age. The idea of living that long blows my mind. At 57.5, I don’t think of myself as old exactly, but I sure don’t feel young. I’ve got creaky knees, crow’s feet, and my hair is a misty mullet of a memory.
None of us knows when our time will come, but the actuarial tables give me an over/under of about another two decades. I guess I’d take that, but I’d prefer to beat the odds by a little bit. It would be nice to play golf until I’m 80, then enjoy a few years puttering around the old folks’ home, hitting the dinner buffet at 4:30, then hitting the sack at eight o’clock. I think I’d like to bring things in for a smooth landing just before hitting the big 9-0.
I have no desire to squeeze out another 26 years beyond that! If I lived to 116, my children would be 74 and 76, respectively—and I started late! My poor kids—err, my poor septuagenarian offspring—would have given up on the concept of an inheritance long before that time, if they were even still alive.
Sadly, Ethel’s husband Norman died five decades ago, and both of her children are likewise deceased. One of her daughters died in 2020 at age 82.
That’s crazy. Think of the things you can do if you live this long.
Not only can you share diapers with your 82-year-old daughter, but you could attend your 94th college reunion! (Not that there would be anyone else there.)
You can reminisce about the good ol’ days under President Coolidge, remember when the zipper was invented, and utter phrases like “100 years ago, when I lost my virginity…”
And you get the benefit of compound interest—if Ethel saved a mere $100 per month, starting when she was 26, today that would be worth over $37 million!2
I love the occasional stories I hear about the 95-year-old who still drinks whiskey daily and smokes Marlboro Reds. I find these tales way more interesting than that goofball who wants to live forever. But that’s not Ethel. She never smoked and advocates all things in moderation, including booze.
Perhaps the most important lesson Ethel can share with is her rule to never argue. After all, who’s go the time to argue? Ironically, she does! She’s had more time to argue than anyone else in the whole world.
But she makes a good point. You’ll probably never hear the oldest person in the world tell you she spends her days either protesting about Trump while wearing a pink hat or wasting her day “owning the Libs” on Twitter.
“Never argue with anyone,” she says, summing it up. “I listen, and I do what I like.”
In other words, keep a positive mental attitude and enjoy life in moderation.
Who could argue with that?
THE END
Brad Todd is a political consultant in Washington D.C. You’ve probably seen him on CNN being smart and cordial.
Paul Ollinger is a comedian, podcaster, and writer in New York City.
We are both graduates of Rhodes College in Memphis, TN.
Check out my 2025 conversation with Brad on the Reasonably Happy podcast.
This may be true, but I don’t have data to support the claim.
Not true.
Wow, this guy is funny (and insightful)!
We need all the help we can get to keep Vichyssoise on the menu at DC’s country clubs. Great piece!