We Gots to Chill: Election Lessons from a Chinese Farmer
A long time ago, in a far-off village, a struggling farmer’s horse ran away. His neighbors, sympathetic to his plight, expressed their dismay, “What a tragic loss!”
But the farmer replied, “We’ll see.”
The next day, the prodigal stallion returned, bringing along several wild horses it had met on the plains. The neighbors, noting the farmer’s equine quadrupling, proclaimed “How fortunate for you!” Again, the farmer answered with, “We’ll see.”
Later that week, the farmer’s son tried to tame one of the wild horses, but the boy fell off the ungrateful beast and broke his femur (or maybe it was his tibia). The neighbors—who seem far more concerned with the farmer’s life than with their own— expressed their condolences. Once more, the farmer countered with, “We’ll see.”
Soon thereafter, soldiers came to the village to recruit young men for war, but they passed over the farmer’s son because of his jacked-up leg. The neighbors rejoiced for the farmer’s luck, but the by-then predictable—and let’s be honest, a bit of a buzzkill—farmer responded, “We’ll see.”
CHINESE PARABLE
Acknowledging that the farmer was probably not terribly fun to party with, I find the hero of this story particularly worthy of contemplation this week.
Like you, I have no idea who is going to win Tuesday’s election, but it will likely result in one-half of the country feeling vindicated and the other half losing their goddamn minds because their candidate’s loss will provide incontrovertible proof of America’s imminent collapse.
I added “likely” to the paragraph above because I want to be rigorous about my point here. While it seems utterly predictable that 50% of us will be disappointed and the balance will be pleased, none of us knows exactly what is going to happen, even in the very short run. And we definitely don’t know whether the secondary and tertiary results of this contest will be “good” or “bad.” Indeed, we’ll have to wait and see.
This is a very high-stakes election, and emotions are running hot all around. So now, as much as ever, is a very good time for a little intellectual humility – for the acknowledgment that our power to know the future is not nearly as keen as our tribally-fueled emotions make it feel.
Who, in 2013, could have anticipated The Donald’s presidency? Who, just a year ago, would have predicted Kamala getting the nomination in the manner she did? Maybe one of those infinite monkeys typing on his infinite typewriter, but nobody else!
So, who the hell knows what’s going to happen under either Trump or Harris? Perhaps if Trump wins, there will be a groundswell of local support for reproductive rights that actually improve access to abortion. You may regard this as good or bad, and I’m not saying it’s likely, but it’s possible. And maybe if Kamala wins then turns out to be as incompetent as the Right claims she is, both parties will focus in the future on clearly articulated platforms that are vetted through primaries and not just ordained in secret by party elders.
Of course, there are very important issues at stake, but we have to think like this farmer. We must view the world in increments greater than four years. We have to balance our feelings with some rational thinking. In short, we gots to chill.
While chilling, we also might take the time to be grateful for the good fortune to live in a place like the United States where we have a say in our government. Barring a meteor that takes out the White House (hey, it could happen) or either party’s worst fears about election integrity coming to fruition, there will be mid-terms in 730 days and a POTUS election in 1,406.
Chicken Littles on both sides are taking to social media to label their opponent as an existential threat to democracy. But do you know who’s (probably) not doing this? The migrant woman I saw yesterday on the subway selling cantaloupe wedges and peanut M&M’s with a baby strapped to her back. She reminded me that while so many of us—myself included—are squawking about the evils of the ‘other’ party, our broken political system, and the lousy candidates it produces, millions of people are willing to pay some coyote every centavo they have, risk their lives and walk thousands of miles for the chance to give their kids what you and I take for granted in this flawed but miraculous country. So, how bad is it really?
I’m not saying you should stop working hard for the America you want to see, but too many of us are catastrophizing with great certainty about a future that we simply can’t predict. And doing so makes everyone less happy.
So whatever happens, let’s strive for farmer-like equanimity and go about our lives. As shitty as it might be to see the candidate you despise and their dumb press secretary on TV for the next four years, their election might just lead the country to a place that you like better. Or maybe it won’t.
We’ll see.
THE END (but keep reading)
This Friday! Tell your NYC friends to come chill with me and my friends at Rodney’s Comedy Club as part of the NY Comedy Festival. Get tickets here.
You gots to chill
by EPMD
Relax your mind, let your conscience be free
And get down to the sounds of EPMD
Well you should keep quiet while the MC rap
But if you tired, then go take a nap
Or stay awake and watch the show I take
Because right now, I'm 'bout to shake'n'bake
The E-R-I-C-K is my name, I spell
Thanks to the clientele, yo I rock well
I'm not an MC who talking all that junk
About who can beat who, sounding like a punk
I just get down and I go for mine
Say, "Check one, two", and run down the line
To the average MC I'm known as The Terminator
Funky beat maker, new jack exterminator
Destroy an employ', when your rhymes are not void
Never sweating your girl (why P?) Cause she's a skeezoid
When I'm on the scene I always rock the spot
I grab the steel with the crown on top
In the beginning, I like to let my rhymes flow
And at twelve I press cruise control
Sit back and relax, let my rhymes tax
Maintain MC's while the Double E macks
Always calm under pressure, no need to act ill
Listen when I tell you boy, you gots to chill
I be the personal computer information on rap
Like the B-I-Z Markie says, I'll make your toes tap
I format the rhymes, step by step
Make em sound def to maintain my rep
Prepared to come off, in case of a diss
Not worried about a thing, 'cause we can do this
I can turn the party out just by standing still
Make the ladies scream and shout while the brothers act ill
Take total control, of your body and soul
Pack a nine in my pants for when it's time to roll
I'm the P, double-E, M-D-E-E
And one thing I hate, is a biting MC
When I enter the party suckers always form a line
Then they ease their way up, and try to bite my lines
I did thousands of shows, dissed many faces
And deal with new jacks, on a one-to-one basis
But every now and then a sucker MC gets courageous
And like an epidemic it becomes contagious
But never the least they all R.I.P
For all those unaware it means Rest In Peace
Cause M.D. Stands for Microphone Doctor
And the capital P (capital P) capital M (capital M)
Capital D-E-E's no doubt the chief rocker
Don't like to get ill, but if I have to I kill
So believe me boy, you got's to chill
Catch every word I'm saying, no there's no delaying
Don't hesitate to motivate the crowd I'm not playing
Seeing is believing, you catch my drift?
Don't try to adapt because I'm just too swift
(How swift?) I'm so swift and that's an actual fact
I'm like Zorro, I mark a E on your back
I don't swing on no ropes or no iron cords
The only weapon is my rapping sword
Intimidate MC's with the tone of my vocal drone
When I'm pushing on the microphone
'Cause I'm the funky rhyme maker, MC undertaker
The one who likes to max and relax
And when it's time, issue diggum-smack
I keep their hands clapping, fingers snapping, feet tapping
When it's time to roll Uzi patrol was packing
The PMD, the mic's my only friend
And through the course of the party, I kill again and again
So if you're thinking bout battling you better come prepared
Come with ya shield and your armor geared
You gots to chill
DJ La Boss