Trump and the Profane
No, there isn't anything he won't do or say
Trigger Warning: this article contains significant potty language that is necessary to prove the absurdity of my point. Read at your own risk.
For 250 years, profanity has been conspicuously absent from official White House communications. Sure, there were a few hot mic moments where George W. Bush said “shit” or called a reporter an asshole. Biden told a different reporter he was a son-of-a-bitch, and Nixon’s home recordings were full of coarse grumbling and anti-gay slurs.
At its worst, however, anything a President offered for public consumption never exceeded PG-13 material.
But leave it to Donald J. Trump to buck a ¼ millennial trend of expletive-free diplomacy. Last week, on Truth Social, he blasted the Iranian regime with this subtle gem: “Open the Fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastards.”
While this might be a reasonable thing for a President to think, it is—for lots of good reasons— something that 44 other POTI would have left unsaid. As much as it scares me, I must confess that I find it fascinating to read a President’s unedited thoughts. Trump’s rant made me imagine how awesome it could have been if others had been equally self-indulgent.
Think of how the Declaration of Independence might read if Thomas Jefferson listed among our unalienable rights “life, liberty and the pursuit of mother-fucking happiness” and then called King George an “English prick!”
This wouldn’t have been diplomatic, but it would have felt so good!
Maybe JFK’s inaugural address would resonate better with Gen Z if he had implored, “Ask not, what the country can do for you. Ask what your lazy ass can do for the goddamn country.”
And surely there was some impulse inside of Abraham Lincoln to use his address at Gettysburg to call the Confederates “a lousy bunch of cross-eyed, cousin-rapers.”
Ronald Reagan chose his words carefully, but if the Great Communicator lacked an internal filter, he might have cautioned Mikhail Gorbachev to “Tear down this fucking wall, you forehead-birthmark-having little bitch.”
“Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this fucking wall, you forehead-birthmark-having little bitch.”
–Ronald Reagan
And you know that the words Bill Clinton was actually thinking were “I did not have sexual relations with that lying ho-bag, Ms. Lewinsky.” (His thoughts, not mine —I’m on your side, Monica!)
I think the biggest missed opportunity—one might even say it was egregiously neglectful—was President Obama’s refusal to drop the N-word during one of his States of the Union. If there was any President who had the cultural green light, it was him.
But since we’ve still got three years of Trump, and we’ve already heard him say “pussy,” “shithole,” and “fuck,” I wouldn’t put the N-word past him.
Surely there’s a bet to be made on Polymarket.
🇺🇸 BONUS MATERIAL 🥳
I had already written the draft about profanity above when, earlier this week, the President broke the internet, the news cycle, and every Christian’s heart when he posted this AI image of himself as a doctor Jesus:
I used this opportunity to goof around on Midjourney and produce what I think are some pretty outstanding images of Trump in the mode of god / God / religious symbol.
Here he is as Greek god Zeus, the king of Mt. Olympus:
And of course, the Buddha…
While the Laughing fella is adorable, the realistic one makes me think how great it would be if Trump started meditating. Maybe the people who make the Calm app should offer him some equity.
The Indian gods are fun because they have multiple appendages and animal attributes and stuff. I thought the two of him as Ganesh were particularly wonderful.
And these, as a modern Prometheus (left) and the Aztec god Quetzalcoatl (right) are super fun.
But my favorite of all is this one of DJT as the Egyptian god, Osiris.
Have a great day!