Avoiding Middle Aged Trouble
How to NOT screw up your life
This week on the podcast, I interviewed Tom Hardin, a former hedge fund trader who committed securities fraud at age 29.
Tom was a scrappy middle-class kid from suburban Atlanta who fought his way into the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School, a job at a prominent investment bank, and then a seat on the desk of a prestigious hedge fund.
Things went well at first, but during the 2008 meltdown, Tom was under extreme pressure to perform. So, he traded on material, non-public information, rationalizing his actions with the mantra “everybody’s doing it.” These transactions earned him about $46,000 in compensation, but also a visit from the FBI and, eventually, the lifetime badge of “felon.”
Tom’s new book Wired on Wall Street tells the story of a career arc that fits into a theme I’ve been thinking about lately. In the first half of life, success is about what we do. In the second half, it’s about what we manage not to do.
From the time we enter kindergarten until we get our careers going, success is roughly equivalent to accomplishment:
DO get good grades
DO strive for athletic distinction
DO go to the right college
Obviously, there are exceptions to this “rule,” but for the most part, what’s rewarded is creating a dazzling resume, demonstrating the willingness to work hard, and showing that you can hang with other high achievers.
Once you’re on the right path, staying on top is mostly about not lighting your life on fire. Doing so—or NOT doing so, as it were—means avoiding the adult world’s myriad potential pitfalls:
DON’T buy stocks on inside information
DON’T do cocaine at the office
DON’T sleep with the babysitter
The cruelest thing here is that the more you win in Phase 1, the more opportunities you’ll have to screw up Phase 2. For example, if you earn money early, you can afford to buy cocaine. Or, if you achieve fame at a relatively young age, people will give you cocaine. And women who aren’t your wife—who might just be your babysitter—will pay way more attention to you if you have money, fame, or cocaine. (Note: I have no personal experience with fame, powdered narcotics, or amorous child care providers.)
Avoiding these traps isn’t an accomplishment anyone talks about. Nobody brags on their LinkedIn profile: “25 years of NOT embezzling from my employers!” or “Made ZERO racially insensitive comments to my co-workers this quarter!”
Just see how it plays when you brag to your wife: “Honey, according to the internet, there are hundreds of women in our area who want to have sex with me, but I haven’t touched any of them!” Your virtue will not be celebrated the way you’re hoping.
No, your reward is a solid marriage, kids who still talk to you, and a relative lack of chaos in your life. Indeed, you don’t get a plaque for staying out of prison, and there are no trophies for not being on the Epstein List.
However, maybe there should be, because discipline and judgment can’t be outsourced. I can hire a physical trainer to help me work out—to do the exercises with the proper form and intensity. But I can’t hire him to NOT drink for me or to NOT eat that fourth doughnut at breakfast. We all have our weaknesses.
There but for the grace of God…
Tom is the second convicted felon I’ve interviewed. The other was Lara Love Hardin, author of The Many Lives of Mama Love, a great book that earned a spot in Oprah’s Book Club. What struck me upon meeting them is how normal they both seem. When you think “felon,” you might think “scary, unstable person.” But Tom and Lara are just regular, smart, high-achieving people who made big mistakes. Or, as Tom chooses to call it, “bad decisions.”
Like millions of Americans, Lara got addicted to opioids, and her life spiraled out of control. Similar to other earnest young people, Tom “cheated” because he wanted to be respected in a highly competitive field. The same ambition that brought him to the heights of the financial industry was what took him out of that game forever. Fortunately, both have rebounded and found their paths forward.
If you have a few minutes, check out my conversation with Tom. It’s a worthy reminder that any of us can mess up—but also that life isn’t over just because you screw the pooch. Or the babysitter.
THE END
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Sage advice about cocaine and the babysitter Paul. Sorry couldn’t make the comedy show last week heard it was really good.